I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
