If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Verdict: uncircumcised.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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