dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
