I'm drive I can fine osifer
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
