Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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