he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
