1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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