I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
