Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.