I CAN MOONWALK!
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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