So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize