foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
