My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
