DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
worst night to have a conscience
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
