I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
