I think i sorta joined a cult last night
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
