it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
