just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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