tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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