I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
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