She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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