No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
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Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
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I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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