I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
