Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
a search helicopter?!
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
