I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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