OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
