Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
