Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
