you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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