Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
