But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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