I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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