I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
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