I faked an abortion last night.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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