One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
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