my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
