You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
