It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Randomize
