we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Randomize
