I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
