I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
