did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
