6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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