North Korea, Best Korea!
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
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