I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I want to be your penis for a week.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
