are you still at the devil's house?
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
