Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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