Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
