Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
