pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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