Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
