I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
