So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Randomize
