Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
