You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
