did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
only you would photoshop your dick
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
