after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
