I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
