dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
