Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
