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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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