if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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