Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
