i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
