i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
