If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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