I'm going to jail i love you
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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