i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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