if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
