You're so nebulous sometimes
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
