Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize
